Mind and Body — Our Cup of Love
Though we seldom think about it, we are each comprised of two discrete components which taken together represent the individual we are. We are each a thinking/emotional individual living within a physical being. Our mind and body are discrete, and though we don’t see them as disconnected, they indeed are. We’ve become so comfortable with the mental and physical operating together, we don’t realize each requires completely different efforts and stimuli to satisfy happiness and health.
Is it really worthwhile to understand these two components? I believe it not only wise, but essential if we are to wade through life’s ups and downs without drowning in the chaos it can deal us. If we can detach the two components and comprehend the how and why of each in-and-of-itself, we can better understand our ups and downs and deal with them one at a time—a healthy thing—for understanding renders empathy—yes, for ourselves, and though it may not solve the concern or need, it can make it understandable, and acceptance can put out the fire of chaos quickly.
Our emotional and physical needs are unique, and can be much alike or different from the ones we love. Either of our two components can feel alone within a relationship of love, or if fortunate, each can be shared mutually. When the two components are shared mutually, you have the ideal situation and a powerful and fulfilled love — something wondrous. And that can be between spouses, child and parent, friends, etc.
Most of us don’t want to be alone emotionally or physically, that is so much of why we marry or have that special partner, why family is so important, why we have close friends, and why we socialize and need to talk and listen. We simply are not solitary beings. We carry on a dialog between our emotional and physical self constantly, and most of us need to share our two halves with others. But the desired depth of that sharing is an individual thing, and the levels can vary a great deal. One can feel very much alone though living with someone else when there is a disparity in each partner’s desired level of sharing emotionally or physically. And it’s no one’s fault, it’s simply a variance in level, desire, and need between the two individuals.
Some individuals are affectionate and love to hug, others don’t; some love to talk and listen thus allowing another in, others are private and keep their emotions to themselves; some are not afraid to confide their feelings, others feel vulnerable, and on and on. The composition of two people are never identical, but can be close or far apart. When the differences are great, painful gaps can exist. However, comprehension can reduce the hurt through acceptance of individuality.
People who enjoy living alone are not selfish or recluse, their emotional and physical beings simply are in sync. They don’t require sharing with others to any great degree, and don’t need as much sharing for happiness, and are quite fortunate. On the other hand, those living with someone with a significant disparity in the need to share either their emotional or physical being with their partner, have a gap which can bring loneliness to an otherwise good relationship. Yes, people can change, but it is often difficult. Too, one can understand and try to meet the desired level of the other, but it can be hypocritical and difficult to do. When it comes to loving, there’s no such thing as hypocritical love, those words are mutually exclusive. When a gap exists emotionally or physically, it doesn’t mean love is necessarily at risk, it means the depth of shared love is restricted by one partner. It means one person’s cup is less than full; when if the levels are alike, both cups are at the brim.
Love is the greatest gift there is—giving and receiving. And it can be complicated and painful when the emotional or physical components are way out of sync with the ones we love: spouse, family member, best friend, partner, etc. And when it happens, individuals can be lonely within the relationship. Understanding it is no one’s fault helps to accept and endure the gap and prevent it from impacting happiness or love. Yet, the one with the gap is likely to not easily be able to ignore it and may constantly be wishing it was fulfilled. That too is individual, and deep love easily exists even with a gap. It seems unfair when one partner has unfulfilled needs whereas the other’s cup is full. But it doesn’t prevent deep love.
A solid comprehension of our two components, as well as those of the ones we love, can lend a hand to happiness and love, gaps aside. And no, there is nothing wrong or unhealthy about the desire to fulfill a gap. We are all emotional and physical beings, and each component takes nourishment from ourselves and from others. Empathy for yourself and those you love will ensure true love and happiness won’t diminish because a cup is less than full. I wish you love–tj